Starbucks may be guilty of a lot of things -- sending small businesses down the tubes, roasting the hell out of poor little coffee beans --but one thing they're not is stingy with free stuff.

Old Howard (our CEO) and the gang have made Cheap Women a lot more bearable for both me and Elisa. In case it's not obvious from previous posts and our in-depth knowledge of the Caramel Macchiato (don't let the name fool you ... it's neither caramel nor a macchiato), we both work at Starbucks.

We both like coffee. We both enjoy a nice cinnamon roll. We both get a kick out of reading cup quotes from people who are so dumb they make us feel smart. But we're not at SBUX for the coffee or the pastries or the "third place environment." We're there for the health insurance. Free food doesn't hurt either.

So here's a beginner's glossary to living cheap at Starbucks. I'm sure there's some small green book that tells me not to post this on the internet, but Cal didn't order those so I wouldn't know. (Cal I'm KIDDING. You rock at ordering. I would be lost on my learning journey without you.)

MARKOUT = Anything we get for free but have to ring up in the computer so that our inventory records don't get screwed up. We sometimes mark out old merchandise, and we mark out expired or broken pastries every day. Most common use is for the free bag of coffee or box of tea that each partner is entitled to once a week.

Elisa: "Carrie, name the food groups."
Carrie: "For me there are only two food groups: Markouts and Not Markouts."

PARTNER BEVERAGE = A drink that we get for free when we're on the clock (we can also have this right before or after work). Different than a markout because it's only used for drinks.

Elisa: "Carrie, are you still eating dry cereal because you can't afford the grocery store?"
Carrie: "Oh no, I've just been partner beveraging a Venti milk and taking it home rather than buying a gallon at the store."

SAMPLE = A pastry (usually) that's cut up and served in little tiny special cups so customers can try new products. We also like to eat these.

Elisa: "I really want some Iced Lemon Pound Cake, but I don't want to pay for it." (Elisa would never eat Iced Lemon Pound Cake, but whatever.)
Carrie: "Sounds like time to sample pound cake!"

PARTNER NUMBERS = Numeric code Starbucks uses to track each barista in the computer. (If that sounds Orwellian, you might not want to know that the Siren's eyes actually follow you as you move around.) You basically have to use partner numbers for everything, including getting a discount.

Carrie: "Elisa, can you partner beverage me for a double tall latte?"
Elisa: "Sure, Carrie, just give me your partner numbers."

This concludes our Starbucks Vocab Lesson. Please review, as a quiz may follow.

SHOUT OUTS
Jimmy ... for community group beer