Retail therapy...you don't realize how much you depend on it until it is gone. This morning I woke up with a stomach full of liquor and regret (don't worry Mom, it is not what you think!). Not a lot of regret, just a tinge. Enough to make me want to go buy something. Anything. Something that will make me into a different person. Cooler, less pathetic, nicer, prettier, etc. Unfortunatly, I can't. Instead I have to sit in my shame/loneliness/pain/insecurities. That is much harder. But it feels more authentic. I always seem to walk out of the shop feeling like a fool, knowing that my issues and still around, now they are just dressed up in a new Tshirt. Today, instead,I went and sat on a college campus quad with 2 dear friends and had a picnic. Each of us is battling our own demons, so we sat together. We talked some, laughed some, but mainly just enjoyed the company. The knowledge that we are all carrying our crosses and sometimes we just need someone to help us out.
(I know that this is not directly related to money, but it is truly amazing what thinking about how you spend your money forces you to look at in your life).
I didn't end up with a new shirt, or a new book that will help me be different...but I did end up with a sense of belonging. A sense that I don't need new things, I sometimes just need a new place to sit in town. And good friends to sit with me. You can't buy that at any mall I have been to.