So, somewhat unsurprisingly, keeping a blog that focuses primarily on a huge personal weakness that you'd kind of rather keep hidden has its drawbacks. One is that your parents read it and call you all worried-like (Hi Mom! Hi Dad!).

Another is that opening up about your mistakes kind of invites people to comment on them. As soon as I admit something in a blog -- like having too much clutter in my apartment or eating too many french fries or being competitive -- it feels like open season for mocking me for it.

I understand this logic, and I even kind of agree with it. It's kind of like celebrities who complain about paparazzi but want the other trappings of success (I'm totally the Paris Hilton of Cheap Women). It makes sense that, if I'm going to create a contest and a website and a blog about a topic, than I should be prepared to face scrutiny. But that doesn't mean it's not hard to hear people spitting my failures back at me and acting like it shouldn't hurt.

I have a friend who's trying to quit smoking. He's mentioned this to a few people, and mostly their way of helping is to yell at him whenever he pulls out a cigarette. "You need to quit smoking!" they say.

Well, obviously. He's the one who pointed out that he needs to quit. But it's a hard thing to do, and he doesn't feel totally ready yet, and when people yell at him about it he ends up feeling more stressed out and judged and abandoned, and then he wants cigarettes more.

I feel just like that when one of my friends "reminds" me that I need to have a garage sale. Well, guess what? I know I need to have a garage sale. I'm the one who told you I needed to have a garage sale. When you bring it up, it just stresses me out. And, when I get stressed out, I want to buy stuff, not get rid of it.

I admit that my apartment is too cluttered. But there's a story behind everything I have (and I'll repeat them, ad nauseum), so "simplifying" means throwing away memories, not just things. I do not understand why anyone thinks it's cool to come into my home, which I've obviously put effort into making nice, and make me feel like it looks trashy.

I would really like for someone to just tell me I'm doing well. To tell me that's it's actually kind of responsible (albeit in a weird, someone narcissistic way) to admit my financial trouble and try to change it. I love it when my friends buy me dinner, and I really appreciate it. But it also be great if people could use their words to support me, not to underscore my failures.

EDITED AFTER A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP: I want to acknowledge that most people have been supportive. I have a tendency to take negative comments too seriously, and I can get kind of melodramatic about them. I'm going to leave this post up, though, because it does represent how I feel ... but I understand that I'm being emotional, not logical.

SHOUT OUTS
Cal ... for lunch
Jen ... for "Santa Face" Soup. It was amazing!
Jimmy ... for all your chips and dip. Sorry!