God and Paychecks
I grew up in Baptist churches, which means I could deliver a sermon on tithing -- complete with three alliterative points -- at a moment's notice.
I've learned that, when the quarterly tithing sermon just isn't enough, a testimonial usually hits the spot. Here's the formula: A good looking husband and wife stand behind the pulpit. He does all the talking, and she holds onto his arm and looks supportive. He tells the audience ... pardon me, congregation ... about how the bills piled up -- until he started tithing.
After a few months barely scraping by, the couples' finances took an amazing turn for the better. Now they can afford that mansion in a gated community and the second SUV. Turns out Jesus had the Midas touch all along ... all they needed was faith.
The formula also works well if the couple had a sick child, or someone was terminally ill. It's really cool when medical symptoms dissolve along with the debt. Either way, Happy Couple plus Testimonial plus Happy Ending equals Open Wallets ... it's kind of the same script as a Herpes commercial, come to think of it.
My dad and I have this joke. We figure that ten percent (a tithe) must be a magic number. As soon as you hit 10% giving, your bank account goes up. Trouble is, as soon as you exceed that, all bets are off. My dad routinely gives away upwards of 20 percent of his and mom's income, to no avail. They can't even afford a second car or their own house. Of course, he gives much of that money to waitresses, or the guys who change his oil, or some homeless guys. We all know Jesus didn't expect us to give to those losers. He wants us to filter it through the church first, so it can pay for PowerPoints and parking decks before the remainder goes to those annoying widows and orphans.
I've developed a bit of a cynicism about tithing (clearly). First of all, I see no New Testament justification for the Magic Number Ten. Second, I think the concept has been perverted by church fundraising drives. It's heralded as a giving cap, not a starting point. It makes us all feel better about our Hummers and mansions (and, let's face it, our iPods and bar tabs). We get to pretend we've already given God his ten percent, and the rest is ours to spend as we wish.
Jesus was pretty pissed at the Pharisees, who were so careful to tithe they even gave a tenth of their cooking spices while they ignored the poor. He called those men hypocrites, and I think that attitude is still pretty rampant.
So I haven't been tithing to my church. And I don't feel especially guilty, as I feel this response isn't unbiblical, and it's backed up by prayer on my part.
On the other hand, I'm considering starting again ... and possibly backwards tithing for the duration of Cheap Women. I will give ten percent, because it's a number that has spiritual basis, though I still don't see it as a bibilical imperative. But I hope not to stop there, even if the rest of my giving has to take the form of veggie chili and handknit scarves instead of tens and twenties.
I've learned that, when the quarterly tithing sermon just isn't enough, a testimonial usually hits the spot. Here's the formula: A good looking husband and wife stand behind the pulpit. He does all the talking, and she holds onto his arm and looks supportive. He tells the audience ... pardon me, congregation ... about how the bills piled up -- until he started tithing.
After a few months barely scraping by, the couples' finances took an amazing turn for the better. Now they can afford that mansion in a gated community and the second SUV. Turns out Jesus had the Midas touch all along ... all they needed was faith.
The formula also works well if the couple had a sick child, or someone was terminally ill. It's really cool when medical symptoms dissolve along with the debt. Either way, Happy Couple plus Testimonial plus Happy Ending equals Open Wallets ... it's kind of the same script as a Herpes commercial, come to think of it.
My dad and I have this joke. We figure that ten percent (a tithe) must be a magic number. As soon as you hit 10% giving, your bank account goes up. Trouble is, as soon as you exceed that, all bets are off. My dad routinely gives away upwards of 20 percent of his and mom's income, to no avail. They can't even afford a second car or their own house. Of course, he gives much of that money to waitresses, or the guys who change his oil, or some homeless guys. We all know Jesus didn't expect us to give to those losers. He wants us to filter it through the church first, so it can pay for PowerPoints and parking decks before the remainder goes to those annoying widows and orphans.
I've developed a bit of a cynicism about tithing (clearly). First of all, I see no New Testament justification for the Magic Number Ten. Second, I think the concept has been perverted by church fundraising drives. It's heralded as a giving cap, not a starting point. It makes us all feel better about our Hummers and mansions (and, let's face it, our iPods and bar tabs). We get to pretend we've already given God his ten percent, and the rest is ours to spend as we wish.
Jesus was pretty pissed at the Pharisees, who were so careful to tithe they even gave a tenth of their cooking spices while they ignored the poor. He called those men hypocrites, and I think that attitude is still pretty rampant.
So I haven't been tithing to my church. And I don't feel especially guilty, as I feel this response isn't unbiblical, and it's backed up by prayer on my part.
On the other hand, I'm considering starting again ... and possibly backwards tithing for the duration of Cheap Women. I will give ten percent, because it's a number that has spiritual basis, though I still don't see it as a bibilical imperative. But I hope not to stop there, even if the rest of my giving has to take the form of veggie chili and handknit scarves instead of tens and twenties.
1 Comments:
Funny how some University boosters think contributions to 'scholarships' for football counts in the 10% they should give. Sadly many give more to the country club dues than to their church. Isn't the tiny kingdom amazing?
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