I have loved being a Cheap women (sort of.). Becoming aware of my financial decisions and the state of my finances has been freeing. This week, however, I saw first hand how my 'consciousness' has become obsessive. My fiancee and I have had a hard couple of weeks (as this is not a relationship blog, I will spare you the details). All of our problems dealt with money. I felt us drifting apart. In a tearful conversation yesterday, we opened up. He felt like our entire relationship revolved around money and that was the only topic of conversation. I explained that it is because I have made a commitment to write about and focus on my spending and money for 4 months. He understood that, but was frustrated and hurt nonetheless.
After much thinking and praying, I wondered "How much is too much?" When is my hyper awareness of money a healthy, good thing and when is it an obsession and attempt to control? (On a side note: I have also been diagnosed with moderate OCD. Not the kind with habits, but the kind where my brain gets stuck on something. More obsessive than compulsive.). I am beginning to see where that was/is at play here. I have been thinking that I was doing a noble thing, and the main reason that we did this was to gain freedom from our money and finances. Yet, here I am, letting it wreak havoc on my relationship.
I am not sure how to fix this, but I know that I don't want this to last forever. Carrie and I keep saying how we have made lifelong changes during this 4 month period. I hope that this is not one of them. I don't want my entire life to revolve around money, even when it is a mess. Talking about it constantly is certainly not going to help it. Action will. I firmly believe that your finances are not something to be ignored. However, neither are the feelings of those that I love.